‘Be angry but do not sin; let not the sun go down on
your anger’ (Ephesians 4:26). The two halves of St Paul’s adage seem to be in
contradiction with one another. As long as we do not sin, we are entitled to be
angry; but on the other hand, forgiveness must be shown before sundown. Now the
second maxim, let not the sun go down on your anger, is one of the adages that
those involved in marriage preparation advocate, and those who live in a happy
marriage try to practise. It’s very easy to get angry with each other; the
longer the anger continues without reconciliation the more difficult it becomes
to reconcile; conversely, while it requires both parties to step back a little
from their extreme position, a prompt reconciliation or at least recognition
that that the difference should be settled by an agreement, the easier that
process of reconciliation becomes.
All
contentions, whether between private persons, families, churches, or nations,
are begun and carried forward by pride. Disputes would be easily prevented or
ended, if it were not for pride. On this, however we translate its precise
wording (e.g. ‘by pride comes only quarrels’), the text of Proverbs 13:10 is
decisive. As one commentator expresses it, ‘pride
is not only thinking we are better than others; pride can be thinking we are
worse than others or just being self-conscious. It doesn’t matter if self is always
exalting itself or if it’s debasing itself. It’s all self-centeredness, which
is pride. Like it or not, understand it or not, pride is the source of all of
our anger. As we deal with our own self-love, anger toward others will be
defused. The only reason we are so easily offended is because we love ourselves so much.’
‘Always be ready to
give an answer to anyone who asks you about the [Christian] hope you have’, we
read in 1 Peter 3:15. ‘Be ready to give the reason for it. But do it gently and
with respect.’ In
expressing confidence in our faith to others, in other words, we are told not
to be angry but to be gentle and respectful; but equally to say nothing, to
hold back, is a false pride that leads in effect to a renunciation of our
faith. ‘Be ready to give the reason for it.’ Be prepared to speak up about our
faith. And be prepared to be angered at the sort of things that Jesus would
have been angered at: at injustice, at the inhumanity of man to man, at abuse
of power when we encounter it. Be prepared to cross the road for one another,
so that – as Henri Nouwen says – we may indeed become neighbours. If we
subordinate self, or ‘die to ourselves’ to
use the language of St Paul, we will be able to love others in something of the
way that Jesus did. To show Godly anger is to be angry
at sin while showing compassion to the sinner.
In Henri Nouwen’s Bread for the Journey. Reflections for every day of the Christian Year,
the entries for 8 August and 9 August, on being unconditional witnesses and
being living signs of love, are particularly appropriate in this context. ‘Good
news becomes bad news’, he teaches us, ‘when it is announced without peace
and joy. Anyone who proclaims the forgiving and healing love of Jesus with a
bitter heart is a false witness. Jesus is the saviour of the world. We are not.
We are called to witness, always with our lives and sometimes with our words,
to the great things God has done for us. But this witness must come from a
heart that is willing to give without getting anything in return.
The
more we trust in God’s unconditional love for us, the more able we will be to
proclaim the love of Jesus without any inner or outer conditions.’
‘We,
as followers of Jesus’, Henri Nouwen further comments, ‘are sent into this
world to be visible signs of God’s unconditional love. Thus we are judged not first
of all by what we say but by what we live. When people say of us: “see how they
love one another”, they catch a glimpse of the Kingdom of God that Jesus
announced and are drawn to it as by a magnet.’
‘In
a world so torn apart by rivalry, anger and hatred’, he concludes, ‘we have the
privileged vocation to be living signs of a love that can bridge all divisions
and heal all wounds.’ Thanks be to God.
